wanna go halves on a baby?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
