he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
