Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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