Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Bring me that man meat
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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