You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
