Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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