did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
