Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
