I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
