just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
