oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
