So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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