Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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