I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i love accidental penises.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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