Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
