i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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