but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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