I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
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Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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