And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
