all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
