my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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