dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
