he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You were trust falling into bushes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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