I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
