OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
