We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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