yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
