I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
