I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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