I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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