how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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