soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize