I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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