when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
