Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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