so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
