I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
