I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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