My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
