im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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