when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
