Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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