I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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