Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
