1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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