My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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