When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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