try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
