Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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