I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
