I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
