dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
