I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
