Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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