I like to think it a success when the cops are called
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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