I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
