Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
why do cheetos always look like penises
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Congratulations! We have a period
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