my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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