Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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