Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
