I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
