sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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