Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dating After Heartbreak
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER