Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.

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  (810): I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages. http://tfl.nu/0oct
  Replies (4) Good night (1454) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick

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  (914): i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick http://tfl.nu/et20
  Replies (24) Good night (1374) Bad night (5978) Order T-Shirt
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  (863): View more from Florida

  During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

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  (863): During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart? http://tfl.nu/3xgk
  Replies (26) Good night (7217) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".

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  (317): he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it". http://tfl.nu/vthr
  Replies (31) Good night (6566) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing

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  (917): Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing http://tfl.nu/ny0i
  Replies (8) Good night (806) Bad night (4131) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable

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  (425): Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable http://tfl.nu/av4s
  Replies (8) Good night (2922) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?

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  (919): Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again? http://tfl.nu/p959
  Replies (14) Good night (4530) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘

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  (907): I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘 http://tfl.nu/3lq0
  Replies (11) Good night (2393) Bad night (644)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.

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  (978): Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus. http://tfl.nu/c88k
  Replies (8) Good night (2890) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.

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  (832): I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob. http://tfl.nu/r18w
  Replies (5) Good night (1402) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..

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  (919): I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number.. http://tfl.nu/y7re
  Replies (8) Good night (1053) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.

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  (563): I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked. http://tfl.nu/l7dr
  Replies (7) Good night (1307) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.

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  (312): Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows. http://tfl.nu/kvi1
  Replies (2) Good night (1565) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I will make you one.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it

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  (417): I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal. (417): I will make you one. (417): Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it http://tfl.nu/hpb9
  Replies (5) Good night (760) Bad night (574)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.

  (989): View more from Michigan

  this is the most serious roommate agreement ever

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  (810): So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way. (989): this is the most serious roommate agreement ever http://tfl.nu/m5zb
  Replies (5) Good night (1276) Bad night (156)

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