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my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.