apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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