im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.