I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes