i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.