she smelled like a LAN party
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
