broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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