God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
