Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
