KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
