That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
